(no subject)

I can0t understand why i downgraded so fast, and got fucked up in the head so quickly. What happened to me? Why did i start hurting so suddenly? The last month was good for me, i could do things i had never been able to do, talk to people, actually DO what i wanted to do. I was happy. Then in the span of literally three or four days i came back to normal. I mean, i know it's been coming for a while, but it still hit me hard. The fact that we're getting evicted from home in a few months didn't help.

(no subject)

I'd do anything not to feel this anxiety anymore. All i feel lately is this dull pain in my chest. I don't even know where the pain is from - it just hurts so much to breathe, to think, to act and simply exist. I have no reasons to be afraid. No reasons to be in pain, or anxious.

And then there's this weird thing - i can no longer think about sex in any form. It's not like it scares me. I don't want it. It's like i no longer think of myself as a sexual being, which in a way it's actually good. It just weirds me out, suddenly feeling like how i always figured an asexual person would feel about themselves.

(no subject)

I don't understand why i feel so broken. So in pain. I try to hide it from everyone, and i'm amazed and terrified at the fact that right now, the only things keeping me focused are Lyn and, ironically, a very long fanfiction.
I feel so inferior to my classmates and friends vecause i see them studying and taking notes in class while i can't muster up the mental energy to CONCENTRATE on what the teacher is saying. Usually i feel like my brain is a sponge, and i can "absorbe" what i hear. But lately it's like it's a cancrenous stone that doesn't take in information.
I'm having panic attacks again.

(no subject)

I don't want to do anything. I do everything just to keep myself from being stuck in my own head. No music, talking all the time, always keeping my hands busy otherwise all i'll be able to hear is this fucking scream that comes from inside my head. Screaming, screaming, screaming like a madman.
I just want to lie down and sleep my life away.
That'd be easy.